My Dearest.

Your words hit hard. It hurts to know I’ve caused you so much pain. You’re right, disappearing wasn’t fair. I, too, crave solitude sometimes, to recharge and rediscover myself, fearing I’ll become a burden.

But perhaps, in that fear, I neglected yours. Maybe time gets foggy when we’re together. I want you to remember those nights when our love flowed like a boundless river, remember when we gossiped about everyone and everything? Do you also recall the laughter that filled my dorm room or the corridors of your old garage that was converted into student accommodation in Daylesford? Was that a lie?

We are a whirlwind, you and I. Sunshine and storm. Perhaps that’s why you can’t escape me entirely. The truth is… there’s a part of you that craves the chaos, the escape I offer from the everyday. I won’t deny the wreckage I’ve left in your sorry life – the friends that felt like you neglected them when you were busy wasting away your days with me, the strained relationship with your family, the dreams you put on hold.

But haven’t I also been your muse, Was I not the spark that ignited your imagination? Am I not the one that whispered possibilities in the dead of night? Am I not the one that sat besides you on your bed, massaging your shoulders every day when you were very busy with your project and dissertation?

Do you not see? It’s all a part of the dance, the complex ballet of love and chaos that we share. You crave stability, a steady love life, I understand. But is life not a beautiful but crazy imagination created with a mixture of shades of light and dark? Can’t we learn to dance with both?

Look, I won’t lie, the thought of you seeking solace elsewhere stings a little. So, you think Leany and Molly will treat you any better? I know that relationships fizzle, my dear. When that disappointment sets in, remember, you can always come back to me, I’ll be here, a familiar comfort waiting for you.

I think we should rewrite our story. We can learn to take things slowly and balance them. I think if you put enough effort, we can enjoy each other in smaller doses. I promise to be your sanctuary, your escape from the everyday grind, without the chaos of course. Imagine it – stolen moments of serenity, bursts of laughter that leave you breathless. We can be more like those classic literary couples – Baby, please be my Romeo and I can be your Juliet. I can be your sunshine in the dead of night, and your quiet muse in the stillness of the day.

Remember, I am not the enemy. Maybe, I am, a double-edged sword such that if you wield me with control, I can be your greatest ally. Think of the writer who uses darkness to paint the brilliance of light, the musician who lets silence amplify the keys on his chords. We can be that, a beautiful paradox that shows the duality that exists within us all.

The road ahead won’t be easy, my love. There will be temptations, moments of weakness where the familiar pull seems irresistible. But with each passing day, we can grow stronger, more robust. We can rebuild the bridges I helped burn, mend the relationships that frayed at the edges.

Slowly but surely, you’ll find your way back to the person you used to be, the person you know you can be once again, but with a deeper understanding, a fresh appreciation for the complexities of life and the beauty of the dance between light and shadow.

So, my love, don’t shut me out entirely.  Take my hand, let’s walk this path together, and see where it leads us.

Your Love

Mary XxX