Mary, I love you, and I love you not. Mary, man, you’re a confusing mess. One minute you’re sunshine and focus, a break from the daily grind. The next, you’re a storm that throws everything into chaos, leaving me lost and questioning everything. You’re a puzzle with missing pieces, Mary. You always leave me disoriented and looking embarassed. You’re a constant enigma.

I remember we met on a cold Wednesday morning on a dusty bush road between the lecture hall and Senga, a chance encounter that felt preordained. I still remember this day, vividly like it was yesterday. That morning, the purple-grey mist and winter cold beat down mercilessly, I had a dull ache in my head from a particularly boring lecture. You appeared like a mirage, captivating in your way, yet strangely out of place in the rural setting. With the help of my roomies, I managed to strike up a conversation. What started as hesitant and obvious fumbling blossomed into a connection that surprised even me.

At first, Mary, you were a breath of fresh air. You brought a quiet calm that let my mind settle and my creativity soar. You were like a steady drumbeat, grounding me while my ideas danced. In those moments, I loved you. You were the spark that lit a fire in me, the voice whispering possibilities in the dead of night.

But you’re like the desert wind, Mary, unpredictable. The warmth you offered could turn into a scorching heat, leaving me empty and confused. You’d disappear for days, no explanation, just silence. Then you’d waltz back in with a smile, promises of escape written all over, I was naïve and gullible, I would always fall for you again. It was exciting, a break from reality, but scary too, because I knew the crash that came after you left.

Mary, I crave stability, a steady rhythm, not this crazy back-and-forth that leaves me breathless. With you, everything’s a blur. Reality and fantasy mix, and I lose sight of myself. My friends? They’re gone. School? Failing. You’re an enigma, Mary, a mystery I can’t solve.

You see, Mary, you’re more than just a passing fancy. You’re a weight on my shoulders, dragging me down into the depths of despair. Physically, I feel the toll of your presence. My health deteriorates, my body wasting away under the weight of your influence. I neglect myself, too consumed by your allure to care for the vessel that carries me through life.

Mentally, I’m a wreck. Anxiety gnaws at my insides, a constant companion whispering doubts and fears into my ear. Paranoia grips me in its icy embrace, distorting my perceptions and leaving me unable to trust even my own thoughts. And depression? It’s a dark cloud that hangs over me, suffocating me with its oppressive weight.

But perhaps the most devastating aspect of your hold on me, Mary, is the way you’ve torn apart the fabric of my relationships. My friends, once my closest allies, don’t talk to me much anymore. They can’t bear to watch as you consume me, they feel guilty of having started that conversation with you that day or perhaps they think they should not have complimented your beauty or your braids that day. And my family? Their disappointment cuts me to the core, a constant reminder of the pain I’ve caused, especially to my mother.

Even my dreams and aspirations fall victim to your influence, Mary. Work becomes a distant memory as I spiral further into your grasp, my future slipping through my fingers like grains of sand. And the worst part? I know deep down that this isn’t the life I want for myself, that I’m capable of so much more if only I could break free from your suffocating hug.

So maybe it’s time, Mary. Time for me to reclaim my life, to break free from the chains that bind me to you. This doesn’t have to be goodbye, but it’s definitely time for a break. I need to rediscover who I am without you, to find the strength to stand on my own two feet once again.

Recovery won’t be easy, Mary. There will be temptations, moments of weakness when I want to fall back into your arms. But with each passing day, I’ll grow stronger, more resilient. I’ll rebuild the relationships I’ve lost, piece by piece, until they’re stronger than ever before. And slowly but surely, I’ll find my way back to the person I used to be, the person I know I can be once again.

The road ahead is long, Mary, but I’m ready to walk it. I’ll stumble along the way, but I won’t let that deter me. Because deep down, I know that there’s a brighter future waiting for me on the other side, a future where I’m free from your grasp and in control of my own destiny.